If music makes me dream, dancing makes me come alive.

I’m just an avarage girl who wants stability.

The ticket inspector (or Things that may seem nonrelevant)

When the ticket inspector boarded she knew already she hadn’t stamped her ticket, that she had done wrong. She thought for a moment that she could run to the little machine and stamp, but at that time the ticket inspector was already in front of her. She gave him the unstamped ticket and he looked at her sighing. He did after all his job. “The machine didn’t worked.” She lied. Even when the other passengers knew it all. They had wittnessed it. She hadn’t stamped. She shamelessly lied. She didn’t wanted to lie, but she did. She had an air of indifference and the other must have thought that she was a terrible arrogant person. The ticket inspector told her that the new machine worked perfectly. He made a photo of her identity card and told her he would turn a blind eye, this time. She couldn’t believe his kindness. She wanted to ask him why he was so kind to a stranger like her of whom he exactly knew was lying. She wanted to tell him that people aren’t this kind, that humans were cruel. What she actually said was totally different: “But I swear it didn’t worked.” and with it she knew she had betrayed herself and all her ideals. She was a hypocrite. “Please, don’t vow.” This little sentence saved her from falling completely. His voice being gentle. She was thankful, thankful not for the money she didn’t need to pay, but for the gentleness that soothed her wounded heart. She didn’t wanted it to stop, since she longed for it, so she continued: “But really…” “Please do not continue or I will change my mind.” He cut her off. Internally she winced back like a little scared child, but externally she just shook her head nonchalantly. She wanted to apologize. She wanted to apologize to him for being this ill mannered. For having such a bad personality.

At the end only one thought remained in her head: “I need to change!”

She desperately wishes for a change and at the same time she has not the strength to make that change happen herself.

She agreed to him, because she wanted to hide her embarrasment and the frail person she was at that moment. With a strong appearance and a smile she wanted to hide her crying soul. That night she cried even more, letting out the despair, the confusion and the lonliness she had trapped inside and which she didn’t know where it came from.

She realized she had imprisoned herself and she didn’t know how or when it had started, but she needed to find the way out.

She wanted no longer hide the fact that she wasn’t confindent about herself, that she didn’t know anything about the world and that she still was only a little child that had a long way to go until becoming a sensible adult.

She is afraid to wish for something, because it will become true. She knows she needs to be cautious. Once her wish has come true she no longer desires it, she loses interest in it and like that it becomes just another empty shell. Will she ever discover what her heart truly desires, what her soul needs?

When the universe spoils her she has this strange feeling of emptiness inside her. As if everything would be only a empty shell. Something not real.

She feels save in her own little world, but she knows she needs to step out of it to find happiness.

Today she was at the cinema with her friends. Afterwards she went to the Irish pub with them. She kinda felt empty and exhausted being around people. It really was hard for her to comunicate, so she was really glad that she had decided to go home instead of going to another pub with them.

I’m so tired lately. Humans are so tiring.

Words I would like to say, but can’t be said, because society wouldn’t understand them.